Sunday, May 28, 2006
Bob update
Bob has been moved to a room now. He is in pain but they are managing that well. Mum has come round to the idea that cumiden and alcohol won't mix well for life. So, that at least is a relief. I am not doing very well with all of this. The walls that my family has built around Bob and his behaviour make me very uncomfortable and when I speak honestly about the situation I get told to stop *yelling* at people. Really, I'n not yelling. I'm just giving voice to things they don't want to hear. I know this is stressfull for everyone but I just wish that one person in my family could be supportive without being *Mary Sunshine* or *Mr. Doom and Gloom* . Neither is very helpful and so unbalanced. Can we not just say how we feel and not have to drag along all the old crap from our childhoods? Apparently not!
Bob update
Bob has been moved to a room now. He is in pain but they are managing that well. Mum has come round to the idea that cumiden and alcohol won't mix well for life. So, that at least is a relief. I am not doing very well with all of this. The walls that my family has built around Bob and his behaviour make me very uncomfortable and when I speak honestly about the situation I get told to stop *yelling* at people. Really, I'n not yelling. I'm just giving voice to things they don't want to hear. I know this is stressfull for everyone but I just wish that one person in my family could be supportive without being *Mary Sunshine* or *Mr. Doom and Gloom* . Neither is very helpful and so unbalanced. Can we not just say how we feel and not have to drag along all the old crap from our childhoods? Apparently not!
not unexpected
My brother has finally managed to abuse his body to the point that it has revolted. He is now in the intensive care unit at AGH. He has a blood clot in his lung. Well, from what I understand, not exactly IN his lung, it is at the opening to his lung where the artery going into the lung feeds in the blood. Hence, breathing is painful. And there are many complications that COULD occur. So far, he is resting and has not, as far as I know caused the ICU to explode with his withdrawl from alcohol. I am sure they can cope with this should it occur. He is on an IV blood thinner and when they send him home he will be on an oral blood thinner. I am hoping that he will chhose not to drink on the blood thinner or die quickly. I know how that sounds but that is just how I feel at the moment. His lifestyle is the cause of the malady...sitting around on the couch 24/7 and drinking and smoking. I have a hard time understanding how someone can sit around so much and sleep so much after the first few months of life. And we see where this leads. Blood clots at 40.
The dogs and I have taken to dubbing our walks the clot preventing walk.
More later if therre is anything to tell. My Dad and Mona Rae are going over to see him at 2 (restricted visiting and all) and this too could explode the ICU so, I'll keep ya posted.
The dogs and I have taken to dubbing our walks the clot preventing walk.
More later if therre is anything to tell. My Dad and Mona Rae are going over to see him at 2 (restricted visiting and all) and this too could explode the ICU so, I'll keep ya posted.
Monday, May 22, 2006
moves and new skills
Well, I've been quite busy lately. Aside from trying to figure out what magic spell is required for blogger to let me into this page...which apparently is quite the long drawn out process...
I moved my ritual room from downstairs where the t.v. blares and the people walk through (comment: Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you...) upstairs in the room that the unpleasant houseguests (more later) have vacated. It was thoroughly cleansed physically and spiritually and then I set about lugging the furniture and bric-a-brac and all the oddments I have managed to collect over the years up the steps. Laundry baskets have a multitude of uses. I had much joy and creative fun arranging everything. The old room grew in an unplanned organic process (read messy) and there were things in there that I just had no place else for...but no use for in ritual. So, the new room was a clean slate. Everything has a purpose and a place - for now. I tend toward chaos so this neatness may be quite temporary. I made discoveries in the trunk wherein I store much of my "stuff" and found things I had made years ago and thought they were junk at the time. But, given that I had put such effort into them (you see why I tend toward chaos) I saved them. Some of them actually ended up on the walls. There was a brief discussion of painting the walls with Goddess symbols. I'm not too sure I want to do that. I'm not really the best at painting freehand and I don't think they sell the kind of stenclis we would need at the local home improvement store. So, that is on hold until I meet an artist who would like to create. They used to have traveling mural painters in the Victorian era...hmmm.
We had our last Elements of magic class...where we actually teach something...and it was quite a good one. I was a little worried as the Fire class kinda fell flat. Students who insist they can't sense energy.... So, I wasn't holding out much hope for Center which I have always found to to far more difficult to pin down than energy. But, the Goddess of Communication was with us and we were quite pleased with the discussion and the exercises. We told the story of Stone Soup and we all brought something to put in the soup we made. It was good. Better later probably, but Chris doesn't save stuff like that??? So, anyway, we also tried a two voice trance. Unplanned as to what would be said exactly...had an idea, of course, but not anything written down. And as shushed Chris when he started drumming...I didn't mean he should stop just not so loud...but he stopped. And he started doing what I had sone during the May Day trance. A kind of back voice. It worked awsomely well. Or so we were told by the students. I was more impressed with not having written anything down, just knew where we were trying to go. And we didn't get lost and I remembered to include a bit about the trance is over now, come back to your body when you're ready sort of thing. Lovely.
And then there was that annoying little feeling that I should go up and try to get the attic back in order. See when my unpleasant houseguests arrived they put all the stuff from that room up in the attic. A trap door sort of entrance. And I knew that the stuff was all right around the door and it wouldn't open or close properly. So, last Sunday, as the rain came down, I went up into the attic. Well, I began to move the pile of stuff from around the door and realized that they had quite literally thrown this stuff up here. I sorted through it and bagged stuff to give away and stuff to continue to keep (Might as well get that done at the same time. No point in just moving it from place to place repeatedly.) While trying to get to the bottom of the pile, I had to sort my way through all the stuff that was on the floor everywhere...there was no floor space on which to walk without being in constant danger of twisting an ankle. I quickly realized that they had gone through everything in my attic. Bags of clothes torn open and strewn around on the floor, quilt my great grandmother made on the floor (the only reason it is not is use is because it is too fragile to be cleaned, it was stored in a plastic quilt bag), toys and games all over the place and the boxes they were in broken, photographs, dishes, you name it, it was pulled out and left in the middle of the floor. A mess! And then I discovered my Christmas ornaments! Each box had been meticulously packed and labeled with content and *antique very fragile*, *fragile*, or *unbreakable* according to whether it was or not. I know because I did that. Some of these ornaments belonged to my great grandparents. Some were my grandparents and some were my parents. A few were mine. The boxes had all been moved, broken and piled up in a very unstable fashion. And dangerous too. See, I had placed the boxes in order of use. If I don't use them, they were in the back, if I do they were in the front. They were also piled according to sturdiness, unbreakable on the bottom, fragile and then antique fragile on top. They were not only not piled like that any more, the boxes were broken (those ream of paper boxes with the lids that fit so nice) and not on or on the wrong box, boxes half inside of other boxes. I cannot give word to the mayhem although I am trying. I am not finished with the process of resorting all the ornaments but the other stuff is done. For the ornaments I need to get new boxes. I was furious! No boundaries at all. No wonder they are unhappy. I would be unhappy too if I had no boundaries and thought no one else did either. What exactly did they think they were doing? Well, it is over and the pieces are still being picked up. I am an active learner. The Multiverse must want to be absolutely certain I have learned this lesson to the piont that I will NEVER FORGET!
Just as a little aside, I heard a t.v. ad the other day that said "if you know someone who suffers from death" call this attorney. "Suffers from death"?? I thought that was really funny. I'll have to inquire of my friends and acquaitances and see if any of them are suffering from death. I know just where they can go to sue someone over this outrage.
I moved my ritual room from downstairs where the t.v. blares and the people walk through (comment: Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you...) upstairs in the room that the unpleasant houseguests (more later) have vacated. It was thoroughly cleansed physically and spiritually and then I set about lugging the furniture and bric-a-brac and all the oddments I have managed to collect over the years up the steps. Laundry baskets have a multitude of uses. I had much joy and creative fun arranging everything. The old room grew in an unplanned organic process (read messy) and there were things in there that I just had no place else for...but no use for in ritual. So, the new room was a clean slate. Everything has a purpose and a place - for now. I tend toward chaos so this neatness may be quite temporary. I made discoveries in the trunk wherein I store much of my "stuff" and found things I had made years ago and thought they were junk at the time. But, given that I had put such effort into them (you see why I tend toward chaos) I saved them. Some of them actually ended up on the walls. There was a brief discussion of painting the walls with Goddess symbols. I'm not too sure I want to do that. I'm not really the best at painting freehand and I don't think they sell the kind of stenclis we would need at the local home improvement store. So, that is on hold until I meet an artist who would like to create. They used to have traveling mural painters in the Victorian era...hmmm.
We had our last Elements of magic class...where we actually teach something...and it was quite a good one. I was a little worried as the Fire class kinda fell flat. Students who insist they can't sense energy.... So, I wasn't holding out much hope for Center which I have always found to to far more difficult to pin down than energy. But, the Goddess of Communication was with us and we were quite pleased with the discussion and the exercises. We told the story of Stone Soup and we all brought something to put in the soup we made. It was good. Better later probably, but Chris doesn't save stuff like that??? So, anyway, we also tried a two voice trance. Unplanned as to what would be said exactly...had an idea, of course, but not anything written down. And as shushed Chris when he started drumming...I didn't mean he should stop just not so loud...but he stopped. And he started doing what I had sone during the May Day trance. A kind of back voice. It worked awsomely well. Or so we were told by the students. I was more impressed with not having written anything down, just knew where we were trying to go. And we didn't get lost and I remembered to include a bit about the trance is over now, come back to your body when you're ready sort of thing. Lovely.
And then there was that annoying little feeling that I should go up and try to get the attic back in order. See when my unpleasant houseguests arrived they put all the stuff from that room up in the attic. A trap door sort of entrance. And I knew that the stuff was all right around the door and it wouldn't open or close properly. So, last Sunday, as the rain came down, I went up into the attic. Well, I began to move the pile of stuff from around the door and realized that they had quite literally thrown this stuff up here. I sorted through it and bagged stuff to give away and stuff to continue to keep (Might as well get that done at the same time. No point in just moving it from place to place repeatedly.) While trying to get to the bottom of the pile, I had to sort my way through all the stuff that was on the floor everywhere...there was no floor space on which to walk without being in constant danger of twisting an ankle. I quickly realized that they had gone through everything in my attic. Bags of clothes torn open and strewn around on the floor, quilt my great grandmother made on the floor (the only reason it is not is use is because it is too fragile to be cleaned, it was stored in a plastic quilt bag), toys and games all over the place and the boxes they were in broken, photographs, dishes, you name it, it was pulled out and left in the middle of the floor. A mess! And then I discovered my Christmas ornaments! Each box had been meticulously packed and labeled with content and *antique very fragile*, *fragile*, or *unbreakable* according to whether it was or not. I know because I did that. Some of these ornaments belonged to my great grandparents. Some were my grandparents and some were my parents. A few were mine. The boxes had all been moved, broken and piled up in a very unstable fashion. And dangerous too. See, I had placed the boxes in order of use. If I don't use them, they were in the back, if I do they were in the front. They were also piled according to sturdiness, unbreakable on the bottom, fragile and then antique fragile on top. They were not only not piled like that any more, the boxes were broken (those ream of paper boxes with the lids that fit so nice) and not on or on the wrong box, boxes half inside of other boxes. I cannot give word to the mayhem although I am trying. I am not finished with the process of resorting all the ornaments but the other stuff is done. For the ornaments I need to get new boxes. I was furious! No boundaries at all. No wonder they are unhappy. I would be unhappy too if I had no boundaries and thought no one else did either. What exactly did they think they were doing? Well, it is over and the pieces are still being picked up. I am an active learner. The Multiverse must want to be absolutely certain I have learned this lesson to the piont that I will NEVER FORGET!
Just as a little aside, I heard a t.v. ad the other day that said "if you know someone who suffers from death" call this attorney. "Suffers from death"?? I thought that was really funny. I'll have to inquire of my friends and acquaitances and see if any of them are suffering from death. I know just where they can go to sue someone over this outrage.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Just Blathering
Well, since it is unlikely that anyone will read this...I'll just take the opportunity to go on about some things that are running around in my head. Things like this...we (me and my co-teacher) have been teching an Elements of Magic class. It has been an interesting experience. I have learned a lot about how to verbalize what I do. That has always been hard for me. Strange, as I am quite articulate most of the time. Our class has two students. How's that for ratio? And one of them has been to as many Elements classes as a student as I have. I did learn that she never made it to all the classes in them though. Well, that brings me to my rant. She asked us to cancel or move the class last week as she was going out of town. Well it turned out that the class could not be moved as she had not given us enough time...she was leaving on Wednesday, it was Monday and I was busy Tuesday. So, we canceled the class. We held that class today. And then, as it turns out, she wanted us to change or move next week's class as well. It just didn't fit into my schedule and would have had to be postponed until the beginning of July! I said no! I am finding this a draining endeavor. I do not want to continue the drain. We need to finish this class. So, we are going to carry on without her. Our remaining student will plan the final ritual and we will give him whatever assisstance he needs.
What leads people to think that the world revolves around them? We accomodated her once. Did that lead her to believe that we would continue to set our schedule around her? We made the dates clear and everyone knew when the classes were. We all arranged our schedules with this in mind. I even missed a friend's bridal shower because it conflicted with class. So, not going to rearrange any further. Class will be at the same bat time, same bat channel as usual!
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